


Shadamy | Free me of Myself

by Shadowsfascination



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: Closure, Coping, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Friendship, G.U.N. - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Sonic Adventure 2, Space Colony ARK, project shadow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsfascination/pseuds/Shadowsfascination
Summary: Shadow struggles with self-blaim, guilt and the loss of Maria on the day of her death. Retreating to the place where it all happened a long time ago, he wishes to be alone and feel Maria's presence on the abandoned A.R.K., even if it pushes him to the edge of a emotional breakdown.
Relationships: Amy Rose/Shadow the Hedgehog, Maria Robotnik & Shadow the Hedgehog, Shadamy - Relationship
Kudos: 4





	Shadamy | Free me of Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning [SPOILERS?!]:  
> \- suggestive suicidal thought (No actual suicide or attempt)  
> \- mental struggles (trauma, grief, losing touch of reality, feelings of desperation, depression, anxiety)  
> \- eventual happy ending  
> > Please comment if you think I need to adjust something in the TW. First time using it. Better safe than sorry (:
> 
> If you’re struggling with mental health problems or suicidal thoughts or even plans: seek help! Even if it seems useless to you and I imagine it will. There’s lines you can call and people out there who will listen to you. Google them in the area where you live. I know it’s a good starting point to get help. 
> 
> ______________________________________
> 
> Notes
> 
> I wanted to do a short story on Shadow’s and Amy’s friendship and how she’ll help him cope with the loss of Maria. I believe that Amy’s headstrong, yet endearing sweet personality allows her to change Shadow’s mind sometimes like we have seen in SA2 before.

### Free me of Myself

The warmth of heavy breaths against a thick, wide and curved, cold window briefly stuck on the glass. The repeating cycle of condense licking the glass like soot to the window pane of a wood stove to evaporate as quickly as it had appeared was mesmerizing in a strange way. Then again: this entire scenery was. 

From the sharp contrast of the cool metal floors and walls with their blue and greenish tones to the warmth and fierce illumination from the sun onto the planets. From the horrifying atmosphere inside with haunting memories clinging to his throat to the breath-taking spectacle outside.

Both aspects took his breath away and both endeavoured swallowing him inside their mighty-strong vibes, consuming him and lift him out of his body. Although their tones couldn’t be further away from one another, either of them had a traction so strong it reminded him of an approaching tsunami. One that’s still building up its’ devastating fortitude before it’d curl over him and swill away everything on its’ path. 

This place was one of the very few things capable of leaving him frozen. Every time he came here it happened. And yet he kept coming back. He had to. Felt obligated to. Wanted to. Yes, a part of him longed to be swallowed entirely by the darkness and relive the events that haunted him to this very day. The feeling grew on him particularly around this time of the year. 

Overcome by a returning urge to pay off his debts and right his mistakes, being plagued by this gruesome guilt felt like it needed to be done. It was the only darn thing he could do; be here and endure all of it; the depression, agony, indignance, failure, grief and self-loath. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

_If only it were useful. If only it could bring you back._

But it wasn’t and it would never change being like this, for she was gone- forever. It left Shadow to be standing lifeless on the ARK. His open palms pressed against the glass while all he could do was breathe in and out again, eyeing the condense on the window. The sensation of the cold glass against his hands was the only thing keeping him grounded by now.

Every year when he paid this cursed place a visit it he heard her voice just when he was on the edge of giving in to the menacing shadows that tainted his past. As bright, gentle and hopeful as no other, the sweetness of her voice invited him to step out of the shadows, into a shower of light. With a single effort she freed him of the relentlessness he felt towards himself, blaming himself for her death. 

But not this year.

There only was the mundane silence that was usual for this place. An insecure frown curved his brow and he squinted his eyes when he shifted his glance towards the light of the sun. The view on the planet of fire, when seen from the colony, was accompanied by many halo’s, each of them reflecting the constantly changing spectrum of colours upon the rays of light. They seemed capable of catching you and dragging you into space if you stared into them for too long. 

With a dull glance in his crimson orbs, Shadow gazed out the very window Maria and he frequently had watched the blue planet, always dreaming of the day they’d set foot on it together. A renewed sadness whirled inside him, churning his stomach to the point where it nauseated him and clenched his open palms into fists. 

He hoped to feel her presence here. He desperately longed for it; the one that always changed the hurricane whirling inside him on the day of her death into a much gentler breeze. Every year since he had awakened he came here and every year he’d felt something of her, something that allowed him to carry on. On an unconscious note his friend, while having passed a long time ago, still had the capacities to change his mind. There were only few he could give credit to when it came to that. 

_Have you… forsaken me, Maria?_

Shadow’s pulse accelerated to a crazy high pace, even for the ultimate lifeform and he sank down to his knees. While his heart thumped against the insides of his chest so fast it felt like it would burst through, he cried. The thought of his first friend rejecting him even after she passed literally just hurt so bad! The pain cramped his chest together and he struggled to breath.

Sudden acoustics, her voice without doubt, called out to him on the abandoned colony, a whisper with the impact of a scream.

_‘Shadow, it’s time for you to let go of me.’_

“You’re wrong! I will always keep remembering you! It’s the only thing I can do…”

He pictured her bright blue eyes and friendly smile in front of him. Tightening every muscle in his body he forcefully attempted to transfer image of her into a physical presence, into reality. The line between his messed up mind, memories, wishes, dreams and reality grew thinner by the minute. He was almost certain she was here, almost able to see her. Almost. If only he tried a little harder.

_‘It’s time you stop blaming yourself, Shadow. I don’t want to see you like this. Please, let go of the past for there’s others who need your help now. You will only imprison yourself if you keep looking for me and my sacrifice will be left in vain. Remember why you were created Shadow. It’s the key to your freedom.’_

The voice slowly extinguished, dying out into the darkness to be replaced by a suppressed, wheezy howl. Shadows’ cries were abruptly disturbed by an extremely loud bang elsewhere on the colony, a crash that shook the ARK in a rough way. Normally the alarm would have sound, but Shadow had turned off the electricity. He did that sometimes when he felt gloomy, feeling it added to his mood.

After wiping his tearstained face he rose and turned towards the elevator, prepared for anything and nothing all at once. He was NOT in the mood to fight. Still, there were a lot of strong, negative emotions to fuel his strength. Even so, his mentally unstable state of mind switched between the urge to conquer any opponent and the thought of willingly getting killed. They battled for precedence inside him and he was unsure which one would win.

“Sweet Chaos! Shadow!?!”

The black and red striped hedgehog couldn’t decide which of their faces looked more awestruck when they regarded each other; Amy’s or his own. He flinched and stiffened up when she took a few steps towards him, the sound of the heals of her boots clanking on the metal floors. She noticed and didn’t pursue, trying to lock her eyes with him, but his gaze went right through her. Eventually he turned around walked up to the window again, wishing to escape both her presence around and gaze upon him. Amy followed his lead and joined his stargazing. 

Ever since Shadow and she became more acquainted with one another, they discovered they were quite compatible as friends and hung out more often. The two hedgehogs appreciated the other’s pureness, call it a rawness if you will. He respected her and accepted her for who she was; the good, bad and the ugly. Amy’s assertiveness, strength and straight-forward attitude were highly valued by Shadow. Even though his confidence barely ever seemed to be shaken, it was clear that was the occasion tonight. Shadow heaved a sigh. 

“Tell me how you got here.” He finally said.

“Hey, if Knuckles can fly a rocket here, I figured I could too. So, I broke into one of Eggman’s old bases and took the liberty of borrowing one.”

Shadow rolled his eyes on her. 

“You’re crazy, you know that? You could’ve gotten hurt with no one around to save you.”

“I made it, all right?! I’m more concerned about you right now.”

His bloodshot, red eyes met her emerald ones for a moment and then the moment was gone. 

“I’m fine. Just wished you hadn’t come up here.”

“Shadow, I’m worried about you! I know what today is…”

“I said I didn’t wanna hang out tonight. HECK, I EXPLICITLY told you I wanted to be alone tonight. And yet here you are, forcing yourself on me when I asked you not to. Ever heard of boundaries?”

“Fine, I’ll leave if you want me to.”

“No, you’re staying now. I can’t have peace of mind when I know your safety might be compromised when flying a rocket back to the planet on your own.”

“You’re saying you had peace of mind before I came here? I’m not stupid, okay?”

“I wasn’t. That’s why I wanted to be alone. This doesn’t concern you.”

“Well it does now, since you’re making me stay.”

He shrugged and shifted his gaze back to the countless stars in the never-ending shades of different blue’s that coloured the heavens. Shutting himself off from Amy and the ARK, his heart ached for a hint of Maria out there. Even if it were a last goodbye, but the closest thing he could find was the disapproval his childhood friend would’ve had regarding his rude attitude towards his friend now. 

“Does her presence still linger around this place?” Amy dared ask after a long silence.

“It used to, at least on this day.”

“It doesn’t anymore?”

“She… told me to move on, let go of her. Or at least that’s what entered my mind when I sought her.”

Normally Shadow would have hesitated to tell anyone about any of this, feeling it didn’t go with his down-to-earth attitude. Amy was the exception on this to him. She strongly believed in a connection between the visible and the invisible so he need not to fear being laughed at. He figured she’d be able to understand the visions he’d had of Maria and how he’d heard her voice. 

“Anything else?” She asked like it was any other ordinary topic.

“That I should stop blaming myself. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I want to. It’s the last thing I have of her.”

“What is?”

“The guilt I can cast upon myself.”

“Shadow…” 

Amy’s eyed filled with a compassionate sadness. She reached out to him to rest a hand on his shoulder. When he did not protest, she stepped in and carefully enclosed him from behind in a warm embrace. 

It puzzled her that Shadow usually wasn’t fond of physical contact and yet this was the second time she hugged him like this. The first time was on Prison Island, when silly 12-year old her had mistaken him for Sonic. He never showed a sign of discomfort or tried to shake her off. They stood there for a while, his arms hanging limp along his numb body. 

“Maria’s right.” Amy said. “It’s long time for you to let go of that guilt. You’re not to blame for anything that happened here.”

“ _I’m_ the reason why they flew up here to shut down the facility. _I’m_ the reason she’s dead.”

“No, G.U.N. is. They’re the ones who conducted these crimes. Their terrible policy and way of handling the situation is the reason she’s dead. There’s no excuse for the way they misinterpreted and poorly handled the situation. There’s no excuse, no explanation good enough for killing the people up here the way they did. And…”

Amy bit her lower lip and hesitated for a moment.

“I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, but Maria chose to free you. She might’ve been able to save both of you or herself instead.”

“Are you saying it’s her fault for getting shot?” Shadow sneered at her.

“I’m not. Just saying she did what she did and with that she left _you_ no choice. You can’t be guilty for something you had no hold on. It was out of your control. She freed you because she knew the reason behind your creation. She knew your potential, Shadow. It was her choice, not yours. There’s no point in punishing yourself now.”

She hugged him tighter and rested her head on his shoulder. With Amy’s words still echoing on in his head, a vague, translucent image was drawn before his eyes. Maria. Shadow wondered if it was a figment of his imagination and whether Amy was able to see her too. The blonde girl smiled a serene smile of hope and reached out to him, covering his hands in hers. A pleasant tingling radiated from them, reassuring him that his pink friend was right. 

Maria regarded Amy for a second and gave her a warm smile. Then the blue of her eyes and the dress she always wore faded into the darker blue of the starry skies, leaving them behind. It was just Shadow and Amy now. She still held him and he let her. 

“Did you see…?”

“I did. I saw her too.”

Shadow now freed himself of her embrace to face her. The storm clouds that were reflected in his eyes before had vanished. With a new peace of mind, the kind he’d never experienced before, he cleared his throat.

“Bless you for being such a stubborn, persistent soul, Amy Rose.”

“No biggie, we’re friends. I got your back and I’m sure you’ve got mine.” 

He gave her a single, yet assuring nod.

“Let’s leave this place. Whadd’ya say?”

“I wanna fly the rocket. I think I really got the hang of it!”

“You seriously expect me to believe that after the ever-so-graceful landing you performed here earlier?”

“Hey- …I!- That was a rough patch, okay?!”

“Understatement! You almost shook the ARK out of its’ orbit. I bet you wrecked the place.”

Shadow cocked a brow at her before giving her a playful push. She snorted when she eyed him. Amusement sparkled in his eyes at the thought what the heck of a ride it must have been on that rocket, giving her awful piloting skills. It was another ridiculous outcome of her impulsive nature. The two burst into laughter, their cackling echoing on throughout the colony.

With Amy already in his arms to warp them back home Chaos Control-style, he glanced back at the window. The translucent vision of his childhood friend respawned again. He felt this was their final parting and for the first time, he’d made his peace with that. She waved them goodbye before dissolving into the background, sending off millions of stars into a meteor shower. Her calm, gentle voice resounded throughout the universe for the last time:

_Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog._


End file.
